Sunday, May 25, 2014

Fucking Pterodactyls - A B/X-ish Class

HD: d4
Save: as Dwarf
Attack: as Thief
Advance: as Cleric
Requirements: Dexterity 13
  • Fucking Pterodactyls may not use any weapon.
  • Fucking Pterodactyls may not wear any armor or use shields, but have a natural armor of 3 points better than base AC, including the Dexterity bonus for their class requirement.
  • Fucking Pterodactyls have the following movement modes:
    • Crawl (like across the ground and shit): 3'/1'.
    • Climb: 12'/4', test whether they can climb as a Thief/Specialist.
    • Fly: 120'/30'
    • Glide: 210'/70'
    • Every 4 levels they add 2' to their base Crawl, 4' to their base Climb, 10' to their base Fly, and 10' to their base Glide.
  • Fucking Pterodactyls can do 1d4+1 damage with their talons and 1d6+1 with their snapping jaws. In a given round they may either make two talon attacks or one bite attack.
  • Fucking Pterodactyls have infravision 200' and can see clearly at that distance.
  • Fucking Pterodactyls can Power Dive once a day. They do +1 damage per 10' they dive, but any target of a Power Dive gets a free attack against this Fucking Pterodactyl because they're locked into a trajectory.
  • At level 9, Fucking Pterodactyls fuck Fucking Pterodactyls and have Fucking Pterodactyl eggs. They establish a Roost high up somewhere and attract smaller Fucking Pterodactyls to gather around them for safety.
  • Fucking Pterodactyls can advance to Level 12.
  • Fucking Pterodactyls speak aaak! aaak! AAAK! AAAK! AAK! AAAAAKKKK!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Top Dogs - Fantasy RPG Mutts

So basically fuck rabbits am I right?


A lot of people I know rescue dogs or foster dogs or volunteer for dogs, nice doggies whose main problem apart from apathy is that we took something which worked the way a shark worked and we made it mutate itself until it was hilarious and then left it like that and oh right BREATHING things need to BREATHE, fuck...

Got me thinking a long time ago about how this'd go in a fantasy world. I mean here the dogs help herd sheep, in a fantasy world all the sheep probably have golden wool and breathe fire! What a country! But more than that. Dwarves would not have fashion dogs, except they would, because being badass is fashion for dwarves. Elves are creepy, capricious dicks so any dogs they made would be soooooo far beneath their notice, who cares if everything about them is fucking creepy too?

I talked a lot with my wife and my coworkers and bounced a few ideas here and there and I started making, at first, a table of these things. Then it got out of hand, to the point where at one point I was going to save up a thou or two and put together a big dog book. Make it look like a magazine, get Katie to put some stories in it, throw in some dog-as-race-class and some magical pet-related classes, some adventure seeds...

Some of that may still happen one day. Bottom line is, first I got busy, and then, since we decided to buy a house, I got broke.

I need to clear some space in my head garage badly right now, though, so here it is: a thing I did with dogs in it.