Thursday, September 25, 2014

1d20 Ways I'm Killing You

  1. Your Liver, Lungs, Spleen, Heart, and Kidneys are now sentient, motile, and predate upon one another. They are gold.
  2. Heavy metal toxins, slowly, over decades, over centuries, for I have the time.
  3. Mindless force of nature given flesh, because ignorance made physical only ever kills, given enough time.
  4. 40 kilo shoes are welded to you. You're in pain and your body wants to shut down. I am going to open this sluice gate and send the sewer pouring in around you. You have ten minutes to run in a straight line to high ground. If you are caught in the water you will drown. It hurts to run, and you drag your limbs so slowly. Nine minutes.
  5. Genital botflies.
  6. You're tied to a big rock. Line is strung over you. One hundred people are permitted to hang some sharp or stinging or dangerous thing on the line. The crank is turned and the line moves, dragging its contents across your back, for a full sun.
  7. You are built into the stage of a rollicking musical. As more characters are introduced you are slowly crushed, your cries like a chorus. The musical is a rock opera of your life and you are the villain. The big finale mounts and more props and scenery are on stage and you are crushed to death at the climax.
  8. You are charmed, hypnotized, bewitched. Eat your house.
  9. You are sewn into a bear carcass and tossed over the falls. 
  10. The wax of one thousand candles.
  11. An incision is made into you. A pitched sack of termites is put into you, and you are sewn shut except for a little grated tube so the termites can breathe.
  12. Children are offered lots of money to hurt you.
  13. Your arms are submerged into a boiling salt spring until you stop screaming. You are freed to go then, and nature takes its course.
  14. Crammed into a crevice not quite big enough for a body. Abandoned save for a guard of deaf soldiers. Time.
  15.  Bamboo growing at your back, porcupine quills in your chest, morphine so you don't thrash around.
  16. Dragged up a craggy jagged cliff by 30 strong men.
  17. Siphoning your blood while you're strapped to a chair, watching the jug fill, watching yourself end.
  18. Sex contest. Ten gorgeous persons of their choice will be awarded to the person who comes up with the best way of dispatching you.
  19. Rube Goldberg device because meep fuckin meep.
  20. Roll seven times.