Friday, April 19, 2013

Recent and Future Timeline of Old White Guy Blame

December 21, 2012- The NRA declares that the real cause of death in the Newton massacre wasn't the firearm the assailant used but the 20 year old film American Psycho and the 24 year old game Splatterhouse.

April 17, 2013- During a week filled with persistent national tragedies, Pat Robertson panics when asked a question about video games and decides to bring up a 32 year old talking point about how Dungeons and Dragons is an evil game which destroys lives.

August 8, 2013- A gay rights demonstration is held to protest the brutal dragging death of a gay Illinois teen. The Westboro Baptist Church holds a protest picket, blaming the boy's fate on his dangerous lifestyle as seen in the Al Pacino vehicle Cruising.

November 11, 2013- A Tea Party rally condemns Congress' latest attempt at an impotent gun law as a slap in the face to veterans everywhere somehow in a catchy musical screed that sounds suspiciously like "I'm Just A Bill" from 1975's Schoolhouse Rock!

February 25, 2014- Beef prices plummet after Argentinian steaks show traces of Mad Cow Disease. Texas Beef Council blames the media for manufacturing outrage using the 1963 Paul Newman classic Hud.

June 13th, 2014- After three US Senators (1R, 1D, 1I) die in a plane crash, Buddy Holly is named the O'Reilly Factor's Pinhead of the Week.

October 4, 2014- Ann Coulter publicly denounces Lysistrata, characterizes it as socialist and says women who want to stop war are probably all uggos anyway.

December 12, 2014- Mall shooting claims 14, injures 113. NRA blames Herod.

March 15, 2015- BEES!!!!!

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Up until recently we've enjoyed a decades-long trend of mostly bored Democrats making desperate grabs at relevance by demonizing fads from 30 years ago, like the rock music that the kids seem to like. But it seems like old white dudes on the right have also decided to be mad at shadows with increasing frequency.

This isn't even so much a political point as a sanity point. If a gun doesn't kill someone, a picture of a gun doesn't kill someone. If fighting against demons in real life is a Christian's holy mission, fighting a demon on graph paper isn't going to endanger your soul any further.

The world you live in is what you know. To you, that is reality. Anything outside of that which intrudes on that reality can seem wrong and unreal. This is a perfectly normal reaction to have to the big scary world. Right up until you stop breastfeeding.

And for the love of God, if you want to demonize disposable entertainment and can't be buggered to properly update your references, have one of your grandkids Google some shit for you. If nothing else this is good marketing. I like D&D but realistically nobody cares that you hate D&D now. When you say these things to make your point all anybody hears is "Life moved on without me, wah."

Slag off on World of Warcraft and you'll get ten million new visitors.

I'm not even charging you a consulting fee for that one, 700 Club.